My Heart Will Go On
by momoxtoshiro
Summary: Rukia reflects her past life with Kaien and finally realizes that she must move on. My first real IchiRuki fic!


**My first real IchiRuki fic!! Not very original I guess but there's some fluff! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach :( Songfic song by Celine Dion.**

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My Heart Will Go On

The sun was setting in an array of colors that seemed to come straight from a painting.

The sun was golden-orange and then the shades flowed into a fiery pink and then, a blood red.

Kuchiki Rukia stared up at the colors, a smile on her face at the yellow and orange. But as her gaze reached the pink the corners of her mouth began to drop slightly. Then, as the red grew from a fainter shade to a stronger one, the smile was gone altogether and was nothing more than a sad frown. Her dark violet eyes sparkled with pain and memories as she remembered all of the nights she had dreamt of her old friends and bonds, but mostly, of her bloodstained past.

She turned her head and her gaze rested on the spiky orange hair of the boy who looked so, so familiar…

_**Every night in my dreams**_

_**I see you, I feel you**_

_**That is how I know you go on**_

_**Far across the distance**_

_**And spaces between us**_

_**You have come to show you go on**_

Ichigo blinked at her as she continued to stare off into the distance.

She was wearing her light blue dress and was perched on his window, her feet dangling off of the sill. Every time the wind blew Ichigo feared she might fall out the window since she was so small, but she had been sitting in the same spot for the past half hour. Ichigo had been reading up until this point, but now he could bear the silence no longer. He sat up on his bed and put down his book.

"Rukia." He spoke softly and hesitated before going on. "Are you okay? You've been awfully quiet tonight." Rukia was silent and continued staring up at the sky, lost in her own thoughts. Ichigo could see that her eyes were slightly glazed and their usual sparkle was absent and at first he thought she did not hear him. Then, without turning or taking her eyes off of the setting sun she replied slowly.

"Yes. I'm fine. Just…thinking…" She breathed quietly, trailing off as if she could not manage to say another word. Ichigo figured he should leave her alone to herself for the time being.

"Okay then." He said, letting the topic drop. He picked up his book and began reading again, frequently casting glances at the raven-haired Shinigami, just to make sure she was still there.

Rukia continued to stare up at the sky, barely even conscious that she had just spoken to Ichigo. The sky was beginning to darken and the dark orange color that had reminded her of her partner's spiky hair had now vanished. Instead, the sky was indigo and turning into navy blue and cerulean. In just a few moments, Rukia knew the next color that would appear.

She waited out the moments as the wind played with her hair and the ruffles of her dress. Then, the sky turned purple, lighter than her eyes darker than a plumb. It was the color of _his _hair.

As she watched the first of the stars begin to appear, she imagined seeing his oh so familiar face in the sky right above her. He seemed so close, yet so far.

She felt a wave of emotion swelling up inside of her, but she desperately pushed it back, not wanting to let her tears get the better of her yet again. _Shinigami are not supposed to cry. _She reminded herself, taking a deep intake of breath. _Crying is the surrender of the body to the heart. _She repeated the same words she had heard over and over throughout her years as a Shinigami, the number one rule that was engraved within their minds.

Then, very slowly, she turned her head sideways and cast a sidelong glance at the tall Shinigami sitting on his bed. She drew in another sharp, painful breath to keep herself from crying and she bit her lip, tightening her grip on the windowsill.

She turned back to the sky and the horizon beyond, attempting to chase away the images of the man she admired; the man she had not been able to save.

_**Near, far, wherever you are**_

_**I believe that the heart does go on**_

_**Once more you open the door**_

_**And you're here in my heart and**_

_**My Heart Will Go On and on**_

Rukia found herself consumed in her bitter memories.

She saw herself prancing excitedly in a lush, green field, Kaien trailing more slowly behind her. She remembered training with him and all the advice he had given her. She remembered when she sparred with her friends and almost always came out victorious. She would always brag about what a wonderfully skilled sensei she had.

She had always admired his wife as well, so much that she strained to be like her in every aspect. She always felt a strong connection between herself and Kaien, but she had never felt even the slightest bit of jealously towards Miyako. She felt as though he were her older brother and that their parents and family were dead. That was how she felt about him. They needed each other and were perfect partners.

Her friends would always taunt her that she was way in over her head with love, but although, she did love him, it was _definitely _not _that _kind of way.

Then she imagined that green field where they were training, bathed in sunlight, the rays of the setting sun slipping through the trees. The rays were golden at first, but then they turned into scarlet strips of light, bleeding onto the grass and flowing over the ground. Rukia stared in horror as the crimson waves lapped at her ankles and she looked around frantically for the Squad 13 lieutenant.

But when she spotted him, she wished she had not. His eyes were gaping black, empty holes encrusted with bright orange spots, his skin a sickly green…

Rukia gasped as her eyes flew open just in time for her to realize where she was. She gripped the windowsill tighter, just barley stopping herself from falling down the two stories to the concrete sidewalk below. She regained her balance and slowly turned towards Ichigo. He had not noticed her nearly falling, because he was obviously half asleep.

Rukia took one last deep breath to steady herself and then, as she watched him, almost nodding off but then catching himself to stay awake, a soft smile crossed her lips.

Yes, even thought she had loved Kaien as her elder brother, she certainly had someone else she wanted to spend forever with.

_**Love can touch us one time**_

_**And last for a lifetime**_

_**And never let go till we're gone**_

_**Love was when I loved you **_

_**One true time I hold to**_

_**And my life will always go on**_

Rukia squeezed her eyes shut to keep herself from shedding those dreaded tears.

After a few moments she shifted her position and leaned against the edge of the window, pulling her legs up to curl her body into a ball. She let the cool wind dance over her skin and then she reluctantly let her eyelids close.

She often slept this way, but only when she really needed to feel the wind on her face to help dry her tears. She just really wanted to sleep under the stars and the moon tonight, hoping that they would grant her sweet dreams.

She was already unconscious when Ichigo blinked the sleep from his eyes and straightened up, placing his book on the bedside table. He shook his head to clear it and yawned. Then he spotted Rukia, asleep on his windowsill - again, and sighed.

Drowsily, he stood up and pulled one of the blankets, the smallest one, off of his bed and walked over to the window. He would have gone into the closet and taken one of her blankets, but he had learned very well by now not to tread into Rukia's territory, even in his own room.

He had often had to do this before, because she _did _have a knack for falling asleep on the windowsill.

But still, no matter how many times he saw her sleeping there, and no matter how skilled a Shinigami she was, Ichigo simply did not like the looks of such a small girl sleeping on an open windowsill. And besides, she was in her gigai, and she had a better chance of being hurt if she fell than if she were in her true soul form.

Sighing again, Ichigo draped the blanket over her small form and pulled it up to her shoulders. She was so small that not even half of the blanket was used. Then, Ichigo slid his arms under her and lifted her easily, as though she was not even there at all.

Rukia stirred slightly and was barely aware of the fact that she was being lifted by the orange-haired boy. She hated being picked up by anyone and everyone - except him.

She let her deep violet eyes blink awake for just a second to flicker up at him. When she saw his strong, tall form and spiky orange hair she felt her heart stir a bit. She blinked, and the next time she opened her eyes, that spiky hair was dark purple.

Rukia squeezed her eyes shut, the whole thing going unnoticed by Ichigo.

She hated when this happened. Many times when she caught herself gazing at the man that held her, her eyes and mind frequently played such cruel tricks on her. _Stop it! _She growled inwardly. _They are _not _the same person! Kaien-dono is dead, and those who are dead are gone forever and they're never coming back no matter what!_ She often told herself this to try and destroy any hopes that her heart hid from her that he was still alive. She had considered more than once that Ichigo was Kaien's reincarnation, but that was simply impossible.

She squeezed her eyes shut even tighter to hold back the rush of water. _I've got to move forward._ She told herself. _Whether I like it or not that's what I've got to do. In life that's the only direction you _can _move because there's no going back._

She knew she could not change the past, but it was just impossible to forget it.

_**Near, far, wherever you are**_

_**I believe that the heart does go on**_

_**Once more you open the door**_

_**And you're here in my heart and**_

_**My Heart Will Go On and on**_

Ichigo reach the closet and grumbled, always hating this part.

He slid the door open with his foot while still trying to maintain his balance and his grip on the small Shinigami. But since he had done it so many times, he was quite an expert and had had enough experience to be able to get it right the first time.

Rukia looked past the tears and blinked her eyes back open. She laughed inwardly at the extremely annoyed, Ichigo-like look on his face and simply could not contain herself. She let one small laugh escape her lips and Ichigo glared down at her. "What the Hell are _you _laughing at?" He snorted, his eyebrow twitching slightly.

"Oh nothing much." Rukia forced her voice to sound normal. "Just your stupidity, as usual." She smirked.

"I could drop you, y'know."

"And you _know _the fate that would be awaiting you then." She countered with a gleam in her eye.

Ichigo just snorted again and let her down gently, supporting her until her tired legs found their balance. She then gripped the blanket around her shoulders that was much too big for her. With some effort, she pulled the thick material off of her body and stretched out her hand to give it to Ichigo.

"Nah, why don't you keep it for the night." He scratched his head, hiding the slightest blush.

"I have my own so it's fine." She denied.

"No, they're in the wash. You keep that one." He insisted. Rukia blinked up at him with teary eyes. His unreadable expression, his figure, the way he was nonchalantly trying to help her out…everything about him reminded her of her former lieutenant.

She sniffed once before whipping around and dashing for the closet, slamming the door closed behind her. Her swift movements startled Ichigo and he contemplated if he had actually just seen tears in her eyes. "R-Rukia…?" He called after her. He was greeted by silence. A bit of worry came over him as he stared at the closed closet door, but he had been acquainted with this girl long enough to know when she wanted to be alone. _She can take care of herself._ He reminded himself.

Rukia lay on her side, curling herself up once again, clutching Ichigo's blanket as the tears poured out. She recalled the clearest conversation she could ever remember having with Kaien.

"_We entrust our hearts to our friends." He said with a smile. _

"_Entrust them to our friends?" She tilted her head to one side. _

"_If you entrust it to your friends, it will continue to live on inside of them."_

Those few words had been the code that Rukia had lived by from that second onward.

She hugged her knees to her chest, muffling her sobs with the blanket. _That's right. I was entrusted with Kaien-dono's heart. I have a piece of his heart now that he's gone. He lives on inside of me, as do all of my other fallen comrades. I live for them now. _The thought of Kaien still being alive calmed her. It eased her heart and ceased her tears.

She shifted herself into a more comfortable position, not caring about her attire. She wrapped the large blanket around herself and rested her head on her pillow, which for some reason tonight, felt especially comfortable.

"Ichigo." She called out softly, but loud enough so that he could hear. He jumped when he heard her voice.

"Y-Yeah?" He stammered, almost frightened. Rukia laughed lightly.

"Good night." And after that she was silent.

Ichigo's jaw dropped a bit. In all the years they had been living together like this, he could not recall a single time that she had _ever _told him 'Good night'. He wondered if she was ill for a moment but then decided that it must have been something else.

"Good night, Rukia." He replied with a small smile.

She let her eyelids fall over the sparkling violet irises. _I'm not going to dwell on the past anymore. It's not what Kaien-dono would have wanted. I know that if it were me, I wouldn't want my friends to be burdened by the past. I'd want them to live happily and move forward and live a full life. This isn't what he would have wanted, so I'm going to move forward and live life to the fullest. I'll live for him too. He is in my heart, and he his forever a part of me, and I will move on. _

As her conscious faded and she gave in to the realm of sleep, she pictured her beloved Kaien's smiling face, as though he were approving her decision to keep going on without him, though not entirely.

Then, at the very last second, the image shifted and the smile was worn by a boy with orange hair instead.

_Kaien-dono, Ichigo… _She thought with her last dwindling bit of conscious. _I love you. _

_**You're here, there's nothing I fear **_

_**And I know that My Heart Will Go On**_

_**We'll stay forever this way**_

_**You are safe in my heart and**_

**_My Heart Will Go On and on._**

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**A/N: I know it was a bit random but I've had this in mind for a while now and simple had to write it.**

**Please review!!**


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